FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male because they go bald easily and are often over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object because to get them to go anywhere you have to light a fire under them.
SPONGES: These are female because they are soft, squeezable, and retain water.
WEB PAGES: Female because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because over time all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male because in the last 5000 years they've hardly changed at all and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: a man would be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.